top of page

Masquerade (or is it Mask – Her Aide)

Writer's picture: La Shanda SuggLa Shanda Sugg

You know what’s hard? Keeping up appearances. I’m not talking about “keeping up with the Jones’ (or Kardashians),” I’m talking about maintaining the daily façade of health and strength when inside there is really pain and fragility. It takes courage and vulnerability to answer the question, “How are you today?” honestly and not provide a canned and disingenuous response. There are many reasons why smiles attempt to mask the underlying exhaustion of this task like cologne endeavoring to cover up the stench of foul body odor and they can almost all be traced back to fear. It’s a scary thing to be vulnerable with others; fear of rejection, fear of disconnection, and the fear of having to experience the pain that comes along with not being accepted and loved for who we are at our core. For many of us, how our vulnerabilities were handled when we were children play a significant role in how me manage our vulnerabilities as adults. Did you grow up in an environment where it was safe to make a mistake? Were emotions and fear safe to express? Did you receive comfort and nurturing when you were less than your best or did you feel shamed and punished? These experiences in our childhood leave imprints and manifest in our adult lives on a regular basis.


Masking our vulnerabilities is not always easy, but to avoid pain many of us become experts. In my conceptualization there are varying levels: there’s the mascot level; full emersion into a persona that bears no resemblance of what is actually happening on the inside, worn full time, and the person is unrecognizable without the costume. The masquerade level; easily accessible covering to disguise, can be put on and taken off quickly and frequently, difficult to determine the difference between the person and the mask. And the oxygen mask level; not used to camouflage, but to get through difficult times, once out of the danger zone mask is put away, the person is not attempting to appear as if things are going well but does try to minimize the magnitude of their circumstances. A person can function at one of these levels or all of them depending on the situation. These are also not conscious decisions, but methods of survival and pain avoidance that we move in and out of without realizing it. To be clear, this is not condemning masking or suggesting that this is necessarily a “bad” thing. There are a multitude of unsafe people in the world and many of us have several in our lives. In fact, these unsafe people are not usually enemies, but those who are by proximity and relationship close to us. Sometimes we are masking to prevent our private information from being spread or our susceptibilities from being used against us. Other times in our roles as caretakers and support we don’t want what is going on with us to create additional burdens for others. Regardless of the context, the emphasis of this conversation is the importance of being able to de-mask in safety.


When I think of my own personal journey and reflect on the numerous discussions I have had with others about this topic, a common theme for those of us who have found people and places where we can take off our masks is Non-judgement and Unconditional Acceptance. These two attributes are so powerful, that it is often through experiencing them that people come to judge themselves less harshly and learn to experience radical acceptance of themselves. The challenge is then two-fold; intentionally seek out people and environments that provide the safety needed to be genuine and authentic and seek to be a safe person and create safe environments where people can be in your presence without judgement and condemnation. In both scenarios we become better.

If you are struggling to de-mask and need a safe person and environment, Labors of Love would love to be that support for you. Contact us, www.thelaborsoflove.com.




5 Comments


backlinks.icover
Jan 09

Boost your job application with our expert Cover Letter Writing Service. Tailored, persuasive, and polished, we craft compelling cover letters that highlight your strengths and make a lasting impression.


Like


gabilesohbet
Dec 10, 2024

Cinsel Sohbet ve cinsel chat uygulaması.

Yetişkin Sohbet ve yetişkin chat uygulaması.

Üyeliksiz Sohbet ve üyeliksiz chat uygulaması.

Gabile sohbet ve gabile chat uygulaması.

Like

Ruby smith
Ruby smith
Apr 22, 2024

In the ever-evolving landscape of romance, the clash of tradition and modernity creates a dynamic tapestry of love, longing, and connection. While the essence of romance remains timeless, the ways in which we navigate relationships have transformed dramatically with the advent of technology and changing societal norms. This fusion of the old and new presents both challenges and opportunities, reshaping the romantic journey for countless individuals.


Traditionally, romance was often a slow-burning process, rooted in shared values, mutual respect, and genuine connection. Couples would meet through friends, family, or community events, allowing relationships to develop organically over time. The emphasis was on getting to know one another on a deeper level, investing in emotional intimacy, and building a foundation of…


Like

ilsayston
Mar 27, 2023

Students take courses with "Get Sydney assignment help," a service. Several studies have noted that essay focuses on the mind and conduct about each other. Let's think about how they differ from each other. Under the guidance of a quality maker, I will take an online test under my ace online classes to help treat student problems. However, it is fascinating to realize that many students are not able to attend class correctly and with full concentration. To assist you in finding a Free write my assignment in Australia is unreasonable. Developing your own skills and knowledge is vital to completing your own tasks. If you have difficulty with an assignment, I will help you work through and understand the…

Like
bottom of page